…Well I haven’t updated for a while as I don’t think anything too exciting has been happening!!!
I will try to remember what has been going on.
I have re-joined Weightwatchers, yes I can hear you all groaning now, ‘what again?’. Well for my health I have to do something, I am quite feeling it this time, the new Pro Points system seems a LOT easier to manage than the old system, AND I can eat as much fruit as I like and it doesn’t cost me any points! I have been on the (I don’t know what to call it for it isn’t a diet it is a new way of living as I have to realise that this will have to be like this for the rest of my life and not just a short term fix, so what words to use… erm programme?, for now diet will have to do) diet for 5 weeks and have lost 11.5lbs, so almost a stone, and I can certainly feel it. In fact I looked in the mirror this morning and in shock and wonderment, said to Mark ‘Oh My I have lost weight!’. Not a full length mirror but just a face one. I don’t look in full length mirrors! I also used to carry weight all around my face and I no longer look all fat there, if you see what I mean.
Mark and I are finding life difficult at the moment, not because of any problems between us, but because of our respective ‘disabilities’. Almost two years after his major back surgery there still is no bone growth so basically it is exactly the same as it was before with just a bit of extra metal!!! Mark is now on anti-depressants, life, understandably is getting him down. The pain is just as major as it was, for some reason the surgeon had ‘signed him off’ so he was no longer under the care of any surgeon and the doctor who he has had all his life and knows all the medical history etc.… is retiring at the end of the month. I know the back surgery is part of the making him better, but I think the psychological process of basically being told that his discs are crumbling and it is never going to get better, that they have already paved the way for more metal work to be put in his back as his spine ‘breaks down’, this process I believe hasn’t been dealt with. Yes they have operated and yes they are FINALLY dealing with pain management, but what about the damage that has been done to his mind, being told that at 37 it isn’t going to get better and you may well end up in a wheelchair, no kind of counselling or help has been offered. We have had to get on to the council to see if they can arrange to have the bath removed and a shower put in as Mark is finding it increasingly difficult to get in and out of the bath. He is retreating in to himself. He no longer wants to go out as he knows the pain he will be in if he walks for too long. So he loses himself in computer games. Where there is no worries and he is able and fit. He has no get up and go, we lie in bed at night making plans and all these things we want to do, but nothing comes of it. It isn’t just him I know that it is me too, we both are lazy to a degree. But we are both in pain. I would love to be able to go out in the garden, when I feel like it, and dig up a huge vegetable patch, but I/we just don’t have the ability. And then when we do manage to get it done, will we be able to have the ‘strength’ to keep up with hoeing and weeding and watering and bending down to tend the crops?
I love my Husband sooo much, he knows this, but I feel powerless to be able to help. Some days my mind isn’t strong enough to deal with it, so we just keep plodding on and it’s the same old same old, which then in turn gets me down again.
But day to day we carry on.
I have joined my local Stitch and Bitch group and have met some nice people, and I have even gone out with them for a meal! I know get me, I managed it, with people I didn’t know so well. I feel so very very proud of myself. We have just finished making toys for a children's charity, I made my first ever toy (well apart from the knitted cupcakes I have done, but they don’t count because they are so small!) Here he is:
I called him Mutant Bear, because he was all different colours and his arms kind of twisted. The only thing that annoyed me was, I left everything to the last moment so I had to finish him whilst we were in the pub, my Mum and another lovely lady called Sheila helped me put him together, but in my rush to get him done I messed it up as his body was two different colours as well and in the picture you can see he has a blue tummy, well he has a red back, but his body is meant to be side on from the picture you see so you should have seen both colours. If you see what I mean.
Here he is with all his new friends, I hope he makes many more in the children’s home.
I have been making a few things recently, just finished knitting a bag, which I haven’t got photos of, so will have to rectify that!
Grace has even done a bit of her own sewing. The reason I am so happy about this is she has slight problems with being over active, she isn’t categorised as having ADHD or ADD but she does find it hard to ‘follow through’ with things. As the following photos show though, she can manage it. The only thing I did was cut out the shape of the cloud and lightening and she did everything else herself, including putting the pins in, I am so proud of her.
The idea itself came from WhiMSy love blog, this is a sweet little blog and throughout their holidays, they have broken up already as they are in the States, they are doing a Summer Diary and managing something different every day (which I think must be exhausting!). Anyway this is our version.
As you can see from the change of clothing this whole process took place over several days, but it was something that she has finished and it is now hanging from her bedroom ceiling, and she is so proud, as am I.
Also you may have figured that these photos were taken in a bedroom. My bedroom in fact, this is because when we went to the Doctor about Grace, long story short: up until two months ago she had never slept through the night and getting her to bed was a nightmare, he suggested that we have total quite time, for about 2 hours BEFORE getting into bed, so to not let her have temptation of TV or Wii/Xbox we ‘retire’ to the bedroom to do ‘quiet things’ colouring, reading and as it goes sewing.
There is one thing we will be doing next month, and that is to go to Pagan Pride in Nottingham, we will even be there for the march, I can’t wait. I will be ordering a T-Shirt hopefully they haven’t all sold out and I am going to get one for Grace too. Eveigh isn’t wanting to come along, but that is her prerogative.
I am now finding it difficult again of things to write about, there are things that Mark and I have discussed about what we want to do about our life and the things we want to do, but as stated before I don’t want to say ‘we will do a,b,c’ and then not do them. So I will tell you all about it when it happens.
Sorry it is such a HUGE post, I will try and write more frequently.